SURVIVOR’S STORIES

Amesbury Ma. Survivor Jill Hrubes, R.O.S.E. Award winner, earns B.A. from Simmons College

Jill Hrubes, a 49 year old mother of three boys --ages 17, 15 and 8, suffered from low self esteem not long ago.  She worked in a cafeteria and was unable to leave an abusive relationship.  She had to walk into the admissions office of Northern Essex Community College three times before she got nerve enough to sign up for a course,  she told the Boston Globe when she  got the R.O.S.E. Award in 2006.   Since then Jill has earned THREE academic degrees.  Two are from Northern Essex Community College --in liberal arts and paralegal studies.  The third is her Simmons College B.A. in women's studies and social justice.  She has applied for a probation officer position and is beginning graduate school.  She’s also devoting herself to getting her two eldest sons into college and on good career tracks. 

Jill Hrubes is on the Board of Greater Haverhill Community Action.  She volunteers with The R.O.S.E. Fund and at The Jeanne Geiger Crisis Center in Newburyport.  She also teaches Sunday school at her church.

In Jill’s words…  
“The turning point in my being able to leave an abusive marriage was the day my ex husband went after one of my sons.  I was taking it for me: that was one thing.  But I couldn’t stand to see it happen to my kids.” 

“My real life began after my divorce when I was able to make the decisions for myself and my family.  The R.O.S.E. Fund enabled me to go to Simmons College, to learn about myself and what was important to my family and my future. It had been a dream of mine to complete a degree.  It never seemed possible due to the expense.  Now my purpose is to enable others to leave domestic violence situations, to help empower them to follow their dreams and set up their own futures, free of fear.”

“Making the changes in my life that I have made over the last nine years --up to and including graduation from college-- seems surreal at times.  I have to pinch myself.  I look through term papers I wrote five years ago and I compare them to papers I wrote last year.  ‘WOW,’ I tell myself.  I got smart!’  I am grateful and fulfilled as I look forward to the next chapter in my life.  My eldest son is looking forward to his senior year in high school and is making choices for his future based on the guidance I have given him.  I’ve stressed the importance of education and of not settling for less.”

“What is my advice to others who are still in abusive relationships?  Walk through your fears and get out.  Find one person who will listen to you and who will not be judgmental.  Open up to that person.  Having someone who listens and who doesn’t judge is imperative to believing in yourself again.  Get out of the abusive situation.  Be confident.  Know that you will NEVER go back.  If you cannot do it for yourself, do it for your future generations to break the cycle.  You can make a difference in the world and it starts with closing that door behind you.  I will not say it has been easy, but it was the best decision I have made in my life.”

“I want to continue to be a part of The R.O.S.E. Fund.  It’s a wonderful network of people changing the world and its views on domestic violence.  I’ll be volunteering again at the Annual Awards Gala and I hope to bring all three of my boys.  I want them to see that here are people out there who want to help.”

Boston Survivor Samantha Daniels, 35, finishes college, owns home, has warm and loving husband, is “enjoying all that life has to offer”

My boyfriend’s arguments with me always started with words but ended with physical blows. When I was seventeen years old and a senior in high school, his blow to my face one afternoon in his apartment made me fall to my knees. I saw nothing but black. I felt warm blood running down my mouth. I regained my sight after a few seconds. I got up and ran to the bathroom. I discovered in the bathroom mirror that this individual who claimed to love me had broken my nose.

I asked him frantically to fix it, to break my nose back into place. He said he couldn’t. I left his apartment feeling shattered and defeated. I walked myself home. My mother and twelve year old sister opened the door and received me with my bloody face and busted up nose.
Even after this dangerous incident, I remained with this boyfriend for another two years. I never felt that I could do better for myself. I suffered from what I view today as extremely low self worth. His controlling behavior of verbal, emotional and physical abuse ruined my youth and my innocence. It took his moving away from my neighborhood for me to find the courage to end it. The saying “Out of sight, out of mind” really helped. Only then did I begin to recognize that I was worth so much more. I was also maturing. I began to surround myself with positive people who helped me to heal emotionally.

But I lived with the physical disfigurement well into my twenties. It was a constant reminder that my past was not far behind me. I would stand in front of my bathroom mirror for hours, examining my broken nose from every angle, dreaming of a regular nose. I couldn’t afford the surgery to correct it. But that changed.

I was given an opportunity to see Dr. John Lazor, a professional plastic surgeon and very kind man who is resident at The Massachusetts Eye and Ear Infirmary's Facial and Cosmetic Surgery Center. It was during this first consultation that I learned about The R.O.S.E Fund. I was worried that, when I met The R.O.S.E Fund advocates, they would reject me because the incident occurred way back in my adolescence. But I kept the mindset that I had nothing to lose. After meeting them and sharing my story, they made me understand that I wasn’t any less of a victim because years had passed; indeed I was someone who suffered significant trauma and abuse and who had been scarred for years. They were tremendously supportive and, much to my surprise accepted me as an eligible recipient.

I am grateful to all of the wonderful people who partnered with or donated their time and talents to The R.O.S.E. Fund. -- the surgeons and staff at the Mass Eye and Ear Infirmary, David Nicholas & Inc., Beauty and Mane, Lesley and Petal’s cooking / nutrition classes and many more.
The R.O.S.E Fund IS truly what it stands for, Regaining One’s Self Esteem. I say this because, after my corrective surgery and the healing, I felt positively different! I felt an enormous weight lift off my shoulders. I felt so relieved, so fortunate that I was given this opportunity. The greatest thing about going through all this is that someday, when I have my own children, I’ll be able to teach them about the warning signs of an unhealthy relationship. Then I will have broken the cycle of domestic violence for good. When my children are old enough, I will share with them the details of my unfortunate situation, but also the details of my FORTUNATE situation. There were good people to help me.

A lot of positive things have happened in my life since the surgery. I am happily married to a warm and loving man. I am a proud home owner. I have proudly completed my college degree. I have been enjoying all that life has to offer. Thank you R.O.S.E FUND, for renewing my Spirit!

Lynn Ma. Survivor Crusita Martinez has R.O.S.E. Fund Surgeries, attends North Shore Community College, is reunited with her son

Recognized at the 2007 R.O.S.E. Fund Gala as an inspirational survivor and R.O.S.E. Fund Facial Reconstructive Surgery Program recipient, Crusita Martinez, underwent more critical facial reconstructive help at Mass. Eye and Ear Institute in 2008.  Procedures included complex nasal reconstruction, flap with rib cartilage graft, bilateral medial canthoplasty plus orbital reconstruction.   

The severe disfigurement she suffered at the hands of an abusive ex boyfriend in 2002 rendered her so unrecognizable and frightening to her son, then a toddler, that he fled her touch.  The ex boyfriend covered her with what Dominicans call a “cocktail of death” -- skin searing battery acids and urine.  R.O.S.E. Fund recently sent Crusita to the Dominican Republic for a reunion with her son whom she had noit seen since her disfigurement.  Crusita’s son, now ten years of age, was delighted to  see his mother.  He is planning a trip to Massachusetts in the near future. With the help of Web of Benefit in Wellesley, Mass. Crusita is taking English and computer classes at North Shore Community College.  She remains an outspoken advocate for ending domestic violence.  Her devoted husband, Cesar Muniz, works as an endocrine medical assistant at Massachusetts General Hospital where Crusita was once a patient.  He will soon finish nursing school. 

Worcester Ma. Survivor Heralda de Jesus has R.O.S.E. Fund Surgeries, throws away mask, smiles at the world.

Honored at the 2007 R.O.S.E. Fund Gala as an inspirational survivor and R.O.S.E. Fund Facial Reconstructive Surgery Program recipient, Heralda also received help at Mass. Eye and Ear Institute in early 2008 including reconstructed upper lip, eyelid surgery, nasal reconstruction and skin grafts. 

Several years ago, Heralda’s ex husband (now serving 2 to 5 years in a state prison) threw hot cooking oil at her.  She suffered facial disfigurement and second and third degree burns over 30% of her body.  Until receiving help from The R.O.S.E. Fund,  Heralda wore a face mask whenever she left the house – including her time at work as a hotel cleaner.  

Heralda has become a strong and courageous survivor especially as The R.O.S.E. Fund Facial Reconstructive Surgeries have taken place.  She threw away her mask, proudly shows her smile and faces the world.  A close friendship with fellow R.O.S.E. Fund Facial Reconstructive Surgery Program recipient Crusita Martinezhas increased Heralda’s self confidence dramatically.  Her relationship with her new and supportive boyfriend has helped immensely too.

New Bedford Ma. Survivor Carol M works two jobs, gets renewed R.O.S.E. Scholarship, moves toward nursing degree

Carol M broke the cycle of domestic abuse three years ago.  Now the 46 year old mother of two teens is working as driver’s education instructor and home health aide and, with a boost from The R.O.S.E. Scholarship in the fall of 2007 and the spring of 2008, she’s well into her coursework for her Registered Nurse degree at Brockton Hospital.  It was her best friend, a nurse at Boston’s Faulkner Hospital, who told her about The R.O.S.E. Fund a year ago, who acted as sponsor and who helped Carol fill out the application. 

Describing the joy of being notified via mail about her first scholarship award, she said:“. I was soooo happy! That took a lot of pressure off me.  I didn’t have to worry about where the money was going to come from. I didn’t have to work an extra job.  I could study more.    I called my best friend and told her right away!  I feel proud of myself,” Carol continued, “The R.O.S.E. Fund had enough faith in me that they awarded me the scholarships that allows me to continue school and better myself.”

Carol suffered unrelenting criticism from her husband over their fourteen year marriage.  “The kids and I were always made to feel worthless, that we could never do anything right.  Whenever anything went wrong, it was never his fault - always mine.  I tried to take the blame off them - shield them, protect them.  The degradation was insidious.  He wouldn’t let the kids leave their rooms when he was home.  I tried to get him to leave but he wouldn't. I didn't want to uproot my kids from their community. I couldn't move in with family. I didn't want to go to a shelter. So.... we stayed. I gained a lot of weight. I ate and ate and ate and ate.  I can't explain the feelings of loneliness and desperation.  Though I was around family and friends, I had to go home to more degradation every day.  I felt I had no self-worth, no reason to be.  After 14 years (too long!) he finally agreed the marriage was over and moved out.”

Upon receiving The R.O.S.E.  Scholarship, Carol began putting her good test results up on her refrigerator door.  Her daughter, who’s poor grades were soon replaced by “nearly all A’s” began doing the same thing.  Both of her children love their new, calm environment.  “They like being at home now.  My son has a learning disability but he’s doing a lot better.”   Carol loves spending time with her kids. She enjoys reading, skiing, camping, horses, art, watching football -- and baseball if the Red Sox are winning!

“It makes me sad and scared to think that there are other women out there who are in the same situation and who don't know how to get out.  My advice to others still in abusive situations:

“I was not alone. You are not alone. I am safe.  You can be safe.
I am worth it.  You are worth it. There is support - many people care and will help. Don't stay any longer than you have to - it is hard out here, but its well worth it. You go girls!!!!”

W Springfield MA. Survivor Cathy Thomas, 34, gets renewed R.O.S.E. scholarship, will double her salary with nursing degree

The last time I was abused, the officers who showed up at the house were also employees of the hospital where I work.   My embarrassment started there.  They grabbed garbage bags and started stuffing my clothes into them.  They packed my son’s clothes and a few of his toys.  He was taken by my grandmother and I was brought to the emergency room where I work!
This had to be the worst night of my life. 

Not only did I know the police who helped me pack, who arrested my husband and who took pictures of my injuries; I was treated in the Emergency Room by my own coworkers!  It took the embarrassment of this day for me to leave for good.

I was overweight especially after my son was born.  My weight became a huge part of my husband’s verbal abuse toward me.  I developed an eating disorder with which I still struggle today. If I can help just one person by telling my story, well, that’s one less person stuck in a violent and dangerous situation.

I saw an advertisement for The R.O.S.E. Scholarship in a fitness magazine at the gym.  I showed it to my family and they helped me with the application.  For the past three years R.O.S.E. Scholarships have helped me get through school.  Every penny has been put to good use, from books to tuition. 
I didn’t have to worry about paying for my books, or wonder how I would pay for my tuition. It was great relief that the money I earned from work could be used for my normal household bills, not to cover school costs. I work full time and take care of my son who has extensive medical problems.  I live in a one bedroom apartment and sleep on a couch so my son can have the bedroom.  A two bedroom apartment is not affordable. 

This past spring I finished my last semester of prerequisites at Berkshire Community College.  This summer I am taking required courses at the new school to which I am transferring, Maria College.  I have been accepted into their nursing program and will minor in Bereavement Studies which satisfies religion class requirement at this Catholic school.  But since I currently work in the level two trauma center of a hospital with life and death struggles happening all the time, the bereavement certificate will be very beneficial to me – if I become an Emergency Room nurse.  With a nursing degree from Maria College I could also be hired as charge nurse, clinical leader or even as nursing supervisor of the whole hospital!  I have a great interest in cardiac, trauma and domestic violence situations – all of them common in a hospital environment.  The R.O.S.E. scholarships have advanced my plans for the future.  I will be financially stable after graduation.  In fact, my current pay will be doubled when I start earning a nurse’s salary.
 
If I can do it, anybody can.  You can’t think and hope that your spouse is going to change.  Its not him needing to change, its YOU needing to change.  YOU need to take a stand, to say, “That’s enough!” and to do something about it.  Change for YOURSELF, for your children, for your family.
As silly as it sounds, I love going to the gym.  I got into the sport of power lifting and broke the state record in my weight class for the deadlift and the bench press in the APA (American Power Lifting Association). My outlook on life is “Obstacles are what you see when you lose sight of the goal.” Or else it’s “What doesn’t kill me will make me stronger.”  I can absolutely guarantee if I hadn't gone through all of this, I would not be where I am today.  When I finally left the abusive situation, I got myself back together physically and mentally.  With the help of great friends and those I work with in the hospital I learned that I could do anything.  I didn’t need somebody holding me back.  I was determined to go through school no matter what. 

I honestly don’t think anybody realizes what R.O.S.E. Scholarships do for a person.  They empower those of us who at times have fallen through the cracks.  Where others gave up on us, The R.O.S.E. Fund believed in us.  When we felt down and depressed, you gave us hope for our future.  We have a great sense of pride because of you.  I feel a debt of gratitude that I assume other R.O.S.E. Scholarship recipients feel as well.  We should all do our best to show our thanks for all that you have helped us to do.

Special Ed Teacher Theresa Peterson, 39, seeks doctorate with R.O.S.E. Scholarship: Making Our Piece of the Planet a Safer Place

My name is Theresa Peterson. I am 39 years old and have two children; ages nine and ten, the abuse I experienced destroyed my self confidence, my self concept.  It ruined my sense of self in relation to the world.  “How can this be happening?” “How could a man do this to a woman?” ”How could a father hurt his own children?” are questions I asked myself constantly as my sons and I were being battered. But I also lived in denial a long time. Had I left earlier, perhaps he would never have turned his anger and control issues on our then five and six year old sons. I will carry the guilt over what they suffered for the rest of my life.

In hindsight, I knew I would eventually leave.  I had stashed some money, birth certificates and other important papers in anticipation of that day.   But up until the day I did it, I continued to make excuses for him. When I finally made the decision, it was very clear to me that I had to leave and quickly. I followed my instincts.  First I called my son's psychologist and my lawyer.  We showed up in court and filed a restraining order against him.  I was blessed to have some sensible caring professionals and family who supported my decision. But it wasn’t all predictable and safe.  At one point when he started stalking us, we had get ourselves into a hotel for a few nights and to kennel our dog. We had no money to do it.  Massachusetts Department of Social Services and other cumbersome, bureaucratic systems were not that helpful in real ways and in real time. 

When we did get settled, my boys had severe problems in school.  They were recommended for psychiatric hospitalization for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  They had forced visits with their dad which only exacerbated my older son’s nightmares and flashbacks. 

Though my ex and I have been divorced for three years, and I am truly a survivor, I suffer ongoing “abuse.” He attempts to control me financially via the legal system.  He refuses to pay things for our boys that he is obligated to pay.  He forces me to run up my legal fees trying to get him to pay.  He files for contempt.  All this causes physical consequences to my health.  I’m being medically monitored. 

I became aware of The R.O.S.E. Fund through a women's center here in New England. My first R.O.S.E. Scholarship came at the most perfect time. I didn’t think I’d be able to finish my program of studies but the call came on New Year’s Day 2008 from a woman at The R.O.S.E. Fund saying that I had been awarded the monies. What impact did that have?  Wow!  Day to day finances became much easier.  There was hope.  Things could get better.  I was reminded that there were good people out there who wanted to help and were in a position to help in a way that was meaningful to me.

I am enrolled in a Northeastern University graduate program that will give me a license to teach special education. I’ve now taken 15 credit hours. With scholarship help from Northeastern and continued R.O.S.E. Scholarship assistance, I hope to pursue a doctorate in this field.  I want to use my victim and survivor experiences and my university training to help kids who have been abused themselves or who’ve seen domestic violence in their homes.

Just last week one of my students witnessed his mother being choked by her live-in boyfriend. Luckily his mother had the strength to file a restraining order and get the man out of the house. I’m trying to help this young boy understand that while his world doesn't make a lot of sense right now, school is a safe place for seven hours a day where he can trust that people will not hurt him.
I want to help more kids come out the other side of abuse. Kids are resilient but only when key supports are in place -- loving family, friends, an understanding school system, community…
What’s my advice for women who are still in a victim situation? ‘You can do it and you don't need to do it alone.’ Pretty much every time I asked for help it was there.  Kind, supportive and generous people were there at this very insane time of my life … like the women at the Division of Motor Vehicles who saved me over 800 dollars registering the car in my name… and like the people at The R.O.S.E. Fund … I just want to hug them!

I did not advertise the abuse I suffered --I was quite frightened about what he might do.  But I did tell people the truth about what was done to me and, well, somehow it’s all working out. I want to tell victims still suffering that it may take awhile but life will make sense again.  It is possible to rebuild a much calmer, happier life.  Nightmares will fade into the past.  Bad memories will be replaced by more peaceful and gentle realities.  

To The R.O.S.E. Fund advocates and supporters, thank you is simply not enough.  My real thank you will be finishing my studies and making a difference in the lives of the kids with whom I’ll be privileged to work.  The R.O.S.E. Fund reached out anonymously to me with a helping hand.  It gave my boys and me an opportunity to start again.  Please continue the commitment to support domestic violence survivors at the time when they most need it …and don't always know how to ask for it.

Together we can make our little piece of the planet a safer place to be.

Holyoke, MA survivor Elaine Kennedy, 50, nears BS in nursing as R.O.S.E. Scholar, has “revenge” of financial freedom, helping others

I do have a couple of scars from the physical abuse my ex husband caused me but it has taken me a long time to get past the emotional and mental wounds he inflicted on me.  As a matter of fact I nearly lost my physical health because of them.   But since I divorced and have headed back to school, I’m pleased to say that remnants of illness are gone.

My therapist nominated me for The R.O.S.E. Scholarship.  I received $2,500 during the first year that I attended Berkshire Community College in Pittsfield, MA and $2,000 during the second year.  I received my Associate Degree in Nursing on May 30, 2008.  I want to go on and get my BS degree in Nursing.  I am presently working at a nursing and rehabilitation facility.  I may work additional shifts per diem at a local hospital and I am considering being trained in hospice care.
I have worked hard to get where I am.  It has not been easy, but it could have been a lot worse.  I found and used the keys to free myself.  The best thing is that I have a career I want, a career where I can make a real difference in people’s lives.  The R.O.S.E. Scholarship allowed me to do that. 

I do not believe in revenge as a rule.  But having my independence and especially my financial freedom from my ex husband is really the sweetest revenge.  What is my advice to victims of domestic violence?  You can overcome.  Just have faith, believe in yourself, have a plan and stay the course.  It gets lonely and hard but it is so much better than staying and allowing yourself to be abused in any way.

Nowadays I love giving back.  I am involved with foster care for teenagers, with the local Humane Society, with the volunteer ambulance squad.  I enjoy playing golf.

Thank You, R.O.S.E. Fund!!  You have made a difference in my life and I am so grateful.

Testimonials from participating ROSE surgeons and physicians

I tell M.L. all the time that I got more out of this than she did”, said Dr. Mark Rounds, chief of ENT at Newton-Wellesley and a practicing surgeon at Massachusetts Eye and Ear Infirmary. “For me to give someone four or five hours of my time... isn’t that the easiest decision you’ve even made? I can spend four to five hours and be really, really happy. How often do you get to say that?”
“It’s the greatest satisfaction. It’s the reason you go to medical school.”

“These women have the strength to hit rock bottom and come out of it. We’re just stepping in to help erase the physical reminders. It’s more than just appearance. It’s about creating a new start.”
“She (a nine year old patient who had been tortured by her mother) was very reclusive when we first met her”, said Dr. Mack Cheney, head of the Facial and Cosmetic Surgery Center at MEEI, who was stunned she he first saw her injuries. “She has just blossomed. She’s absolutely delightful... and she’s not scared anymore.”

Dr. Richard Gliklich, speaking of a patient who suffered complex nasal fractures, nasal obstruction, and acute nasal deformity from repeated blows to her head, said, “Her nose is the epicenter of her memory of past abuse... the emotional scars go deep. I hope this process will help put some closure on her emotional anguish.”

“As part of the ROSE Fund’s Reconstructive Surgery Program, I have been fortunate enough to be able to assist women who have endured a significant amount of physical and emotional abuse. The ability to reach out to women who are attempting to regain their confidence and put their lives back in order has been unbelievable for me. As a surgeon in the program, I have gained so much personally through my interactions with the recipients.” Babak Azzizadeh, M.D., of the Facial Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery Center at the Cedars – Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles (and a former fellow at Massachusetts Eye and Ear Infirmary).

When asked about patients who will never look the same, Tessa Hadlock, M.D. of the Massachusetts Eye and Ear Infirmary replied, “These are people whose lives and faces have been literally and figuratively undone at the hands of abusers, and whose faces will never ever even closely approximate their pre-abuse states. It’s as though they are forced to wear on their faces the permanent marks that have been inflicted far more deeply into their spirits. It is their attitude, that the cup is half full, that teaches me my most important lessons about facial plastic and reconstructive surgery. It's not one patient I have seen this with, not two, but literally every patient who comes through the ROSE Fund program, who looks at herself post-operatively, and embraces the subtle improvements without criticism, and really hangs her hat on the positive changes that are occurring in the face. It is that courage that inspires me, inspires us, and reminds us of the absolutely fundamental privilege it is to be a surgeon. These women, more than any other group, can and do utilize the momentum produced by a positive facial change, and carry it over into the rebuilding of the other aspects of their lives."

FROM THE BLOG

Jeanne Mahoney
In my quest to save my daughter, I found myself. I know that other women can too.”
For thirty-one years, Jeanne Mahoney endured a life of abuse. At the age of fifty, she had spent more than half of her life with a man who told her over and over that she was worthless, unfit to raise her own children, and that she would never be able to survive on her own. She listened. Time and time again, she would try to leave, knowing that deep inside she had the potential to break the cycle of violence. However, like so many abusers, Jeanne’s husband knew what to do and say to draw her back. He isolated her from her family, made her financially dependent, and every time she tried to stand on her own, he would knock her right back down.
 Jeanne reached her breaking point on Mother’s Day 1995. During the holiday that is meant to be spent celebrating the hard work and selflessness that mother’s show, Jeanne’s thirteen-year-old daughter tried to commit suicide. Jeanne had had enough. She was able to take the hits, kicks, and punches from her husband but she was not about to let it ruin her daughter. She remembers, “I could not allow my abusive marriage to steal her life and her potential. I had to save her.” Jeanne took her six children to the courtroom and it was there she saw a flyer from Doorways for Women and Families. Jeanne never looked back.
 Jeanne was able to receive the help and support she needed from her new family at Doorways. That stepping-stone was a major turning point in her life. “I made friends of my very own in the group. We laughed and cried together. We were taught how to make a safety plan and to recognize the signs of an abusive personality. Most importantly, we learned that it was not our fault. We were victims. My abuser had taken away my power. But slowly, I was taking it back. I even started believing in myself.” Jeanne’s children found an advertisement for the ROSE Fund and before she knew it, Jeanne was on a plan sponsored by the Hynes Foundation ready to turn her life around.
 In 1996, Jeanne won the ROSE Award. Her spirit and dedication through years of hardship proved that Jeanne was a special woman. She took her six children out of a dangerous situation and they have grown to be successful, blossoming adults. Jeanne has pursued her interest in biking, triathlons, and most importantly being a mother and grandmother. Jeanne continues to give back to other women who are struggling to find the answers that Jeanne so desperately sought years ago. She is now a board member of Doorways for Women and Families. Jeanne is now a strong, confident woman enjoying life. “I am so proud of myself and my children, but I will never forget how much abuse hurts. That’s why I spend time encouraging women to find their power. I want to be their wake up call.”

Asia Graves
At the age of sixteen, a time when most girls are thinking only of driver’s licenses and proms, Asia Graves, a young girl from Boston, was kicked her out of her house and forced onto the streets. Three years later, Asia became pregnant.  
The news of Asia’s pregnancy with a new man infuriated her ex-boyfriend. He kidnapped her and hit her in the head with an iron. She tried to contact the police but it only made things worse. “He saw me interacting with the police and sent nine girls to stomp my stomach out with Timberland boots to give me a miscarriage.” For Asia, this was a breaking point, and after a month long stay in the hospital, she decided to get help.
An FBI agent at the hospital helped Asia find a group home in NC. She had the courage to speak out and had her abusers arrested. Asia found a mentor who had previously worked with the ROSE Fund. Her mentor helped Asia fill out her surgery application for the ROSE Fund to help heal her physical wounds. Although Asia had escaped the cycle of domestic violence, it left her with a facial scare and chipped teeth, a constant reminder of the horrible pain she had endured.
Asia Graves’ message to all those currently suffering from domestic violence is, “Get out while you can! If you have the chance to do it, get away.” Asia is a shining example of how heart and perseverance, mixed with confidence and hope, can help break the cycle of domestic violence. Asia Graves is very thankful for the doctors she met through the ROSE Fund. They have made her feel like better person and have given her back some of the self-confidence she had lost. Asia specifically spoke of Dr. G., who was “very nice and considered her feelings.”
We commend Asia Graves for her truly inspirational story. She shares her incredible life with others in hopes of helping other women in her situation.

Jeanne Decker
Jeanne Decker has always had a passion for art. Growing up in the PA, she went to art school after high school.  She now runs an art program at a Women’s Resource Center.  However, Jeanne’s life was not always painted so beautifully. 
Jeanne was married to her abuser for ten years and recalls, “sometimes it was horrific and sometimes it wasn’t too bad.” She had the courage to divorce her husband, but unfortunately, the abuse continued.  Her ex-husband broke into her house and beat her with a crow bar as her son slept next to her in her bed.
Although her abuser went to jail for two-and-a-half years, her life was left in shambles. With the help of the Women’s Resource Center, Jeanne was able to move to transitional housing. At the age of thirty-nine Jeanne wanted to go back to school; she wanted to start over.  However, the growing number of meetings, court dates and a new home made finishing school too difficult.
Jeanne found the ROSE Fund as she was searching for a way to stay in the school. The Women’s Recourse Center nominated her for the award and she won in 2008! She was able to receive her master’s degree and intern at the Women’s Resource Center. With funds form the ROSE Fund, Jeanne was able to start an art program at the shelter. Jeanne is now Resident Manager at the Women’s Resource Center.
Jeanne wants to thank the ROSE Fund for helping her get her life where it is today. She continues to work on different projects, hoping to help victims of domestic violence and possibly even intervene before others have to go through what she went through. We commend Jeanne Decker for her amazing perseverance and dedication to helping break the cycle of silence and abuse!

Rosetta Williams
Rosetta grew up in Alabama as the youngest of ten children. Rosetta met a man, HC, and they began to date. For a whole year things seemed to be going well. However, after the honeymoon period of dating, HC began to change. In the second year of their relationship, he became violent and threatening towards Rosetta. One night, when HC did not like the way Rosetta was driving, he punched her in the face at a stop sign, breaking her eye socket and causing severe damage to her mouth. Rosetta found the help she needed in the hospital and left Alabama to recover with her sister in Boston.
Rosetta received surgery from MEEI to help mend her eye. One of Rosetta’s advocates connected her with the ROSE Fund and she was able to set up appointments with a dentist to get work done on her teeth and gums. Rosetta could not be more thankful for the doctors and the people she worked with at the ROSE Fund. She was touched by their kindness and felt blessed to have been given such an opportunity. Rosetta was able to go to all of her appointments because of the generosity of a ROSE volunteer who was willing to drive her to meet with the doctor. Rosetta keeps in touch with many people from the ROSE Fund and formed strong relationships with many people through this process.
Rosetta believes that the only way to stop domestic violence is by speaking out against the silence. Rosetta felt like going through a domestic violence situation was like having a bomb dropped on her life. She often felt slighted by the system but never gave up. She never let the system break her, she recalls, and she is now working towards breaking the system. She wants to be the voice of all domestic violence victims who are not confident to speak up for themselves. Rosetta emphasized the fact that many victims feel as though the abuse is in someway their fault. Rosetta is working towards reaching out to those women to ensure all victims know they did nothing wrong.
Rosetta will be moving back to Alabama in the next few months. She has dreams of starting her own non-profit organization one day, helping to stop the cycle of violence and reach out to others in need. When she returns to Alabama, she will begin volunteering at local shelters. Rosetta was able to get her certification in administrative assistance and in medical assistance. She had an internship and started to put her life back together. Rosetta wanted her story told because “you can’t reach people if you don’t talk about it. My heart is in helping domestic violence victims.” We are so proud of Rosetta and cannot wait to watch what she accomplishes!

Paula Lucas
Every summer, people fire up their grills, break out the fruit salad, and lather up in 50 SPF to celebrate our country’s freedom. The real meaning of the Fourth of July lies somewhere underneath the red, white, and blue bathing suits and the family cookouts. It is a day to celebrate the opportunity and independence that was granted centuries ago.
For years, however, Paula Lucas was not able to partake in these celebrations, and  was not able to see the joy in her three sons’ faces as the sky lit up with fireworks. For a number of years Paula Lucas was living in the United Arab Emirates as a prisoner in her own home to her abusive husband and a male dominated judicial system. Even after her husband drove into a wall going 80 mph as he was hitting Paula, she was defenseless when he checked her out of the hospital against the doctor’s orders.
Paula needed a miracle. By chance, Paula’s husband was detained in Germany for three weeks after some missing paperwork forced him to stay away from his home. Paula seized this opportunity by reaching out to her family in the United States, who believed that Paula was living a privileged life with her wealthy husband. Waking her children up in the middle of the night, Paula was able to escape with her three boys and make it to NYC and then Oregon to live with her sister. After years of custody battles, restraining orders, and divorce hearings, Paula was finally able to experience the independence a strong, confident woman deserves.
In 2003, Paula was honored with  the ROSE Award because of her dedication to breaking the silence and the cycle of domestic violence for herself, her boys, and subsequently the many  other women she had advocated for. Your support for the ROSE Fund enabled Paula to further her work and mission. With the money Paula received from the ROSE Award, she was able to launch a non-profit company called America Overseas Domestic Violence Crisis Center (www.866uswomen.org). Her  organization, with a 24/7 international hotline, is dedicated to helping  other American women trapped in domestic situations abroad find both the assistance and the strength to leave.  The money that Paula received from the ROSE Fund over seven years ago has continued to expand and touch the lives of many women.  Since its inception, Paula and her organization have assisted hundreds of women in their fight for freedom in over 175 countries! Her amazing efforts have enabled a great number of women to fully understand, appreciate and celebrate the true meaning of the 4th of July celebration this Sunday.